its like every time i call you or talk to you, i take four steps back. i cant go 30 minutes without thinking of your dumb ass and now that you told me that you *might* come up, its all i can think about. i lay in bed wondering what you would think of it or me or how long it would take before we banged or even just what you would do when i went to class. calling you the other night felt like a good idea but now it just sucks. drunken me needs to remember what sober me knows, that its hopeless.

i just want to text you and say that i miss you but now that you know how i feel, i just keep thinking it would be weird. i dont know how to act anymore. i keep thinking that if i text you, youll think im trying for something more..

I don’t know how I feel. Jake is amazing but after the ups and downs, I’ve just distanced myself. I don’t have strong feelings for nick, but he makes me laugh. So so much. I have fun with him. But he’s older, and has a life and a job and I’m leaving. I guess I should just focus on what I can. I have two great guys but neither is easy.