ew feelings


i seriously get so fucked up every time we talk. it’s like i remember that i actually had feelings for someone once and then i cant snap back into not caring. tonight was worse. how the fuck did i end up in bed with a guy you were friends with. all i kept thinking was, what if i mess up and he says something to you or why isn’t it you. i just cant read texts like that from you because it sets me back. i need closure and for this all to be done or it all to start.

for the past week

all i can think about is transferring, i dont want to quit. i dont want to say that out loud. but im tired. im tired of all of this. the only time im decently happy is on the weekends when im in someone elses arms. im so goddamn lonely here. i dont know if im just struggling with change, or if im getting depressed again. life is hard.


its like every time i call you or talk to you, i take four steps back. i cant go 30 minutes without thinking of your dumb ass and now that you told me that you *might* come up, its all i can think about. i lay in bed wondering what you would think of it or me or how long it would take before we banged or even just what you would do when i went to class. calling you the other night felt like a good idea but now it just sucks. drunken me needs to remember what sober me knows, that its hopeless.

i just want to text you and say that i miss you but now that you know how i feel, i just keep thinking it would be weird. i dont know how to act anymore. i keep thinking that if i text you, youll think im trying for something more..