isaac and henry are both in long distance relationships while im over here having sex every week so who’s really winning now. i have the emotional support of a boyfriend in the form of my best friends while having consistent sex and i dont have to be in a long distance relationship. guess i’ve won.

college and misc thoughts

it’s been a while since i’ve really spilled how i feel about how life is going right now. i have some time, it’s quiet in my room, and i felt like now would be the right time.

my feelings about college are incredibly mixed, i’ve been run through the gauntlet and somehow, i’ve made it out. i’ll probably have another punch thrown at me in like two days, but , i’ve started to realize that i will learn more life lessons here than i will classroom lessons.

i’ve been sick twice. once with the plague that’s been running around campus and currently, with a kidney infection. nothing makes you miss your mom like feeling like utter shit.

i’ve tried out for a division 1 sports team. i’ve also been cut from a division 1 sports team. the reason? i was too short. welcome to college rowing y’all.

i’ve discovered how lucky i am to have a decent brain in my head. while people are struggling with division of polynomial equations, i can get the second highest score on a calc test without studying. i never realized how lucky i was not to struggle with school.

social skills are almost more important than academic skills here. be cognizant of other people, know who you’re talking to, and know how to talk to people. 

piggybacking onto those two notes, street smarts will get you farther here than book smarts will. just don’t be dumb.

puking on a frat boy’s floor happens when you drink the equivalent to 12 drinks in an hour. it also makes for a really funny story later. especially when you don’t remember half of it.

frat parties get old quick. house parties are even worse. bite the bullet, spend $80 and get a fake id. 

college kind of sucks sometimes. college kind of rocks other times. but right now, i can’t wait to go home. there really is no place like home.

have never hooked up with a boy who was this out of my league before. genuinely confused because i dont know what he is looking for and what he sees in me. obviously he could get laid with half of the girls on campus, and im not sure why im in that bunch. typically, im pretty confident and for once, i dont know how i feel. he does everything right. ugh boys who are way too good at everything make me nervous. like cobb is great in bed but not that attractive, but eli is both. ugh boys who are so obviously out of my league. 

Okay so

I know he could’ve taken me on a date to get food or had me over to his house, but we went to the library. He’s INTELLIGENT. he cares about his education and genuinely seemed to have a good head on his shoulders. I never said I wanted a guy to get wrapped up in here. I still don’t. But I would be interested in finding a man who encourages me to be better. To do better. And to achieve better. Not to mention he’s pretty as hell. Questioning what his personality flaw is that he takes to tinder for girls.


ew feelings


i seriously get so fucked up every time we talk. it’s like i remember that i actually had feelings for someone once and then i cant snap back into not caring. tonight was worse. how the fuck did i end up in bed with a guy you were friends with. all i kept thinking was, what if i mess up and he says something to you or why isn’t it you. i just cant read texts like that from you because it sets me back. i need closure and for this all to be done or it all to start.

for the past week

all i can think about is transferring, i dont want to quit. i dont want to say that out loud. but im tired. im tired of all of this. the only time im decently happy is on the weekends when im in someone elses arms. im so goddamn lonely here. i dont know if im just struggling with change, or if im getting depressed again. life is hard.


its like every time i call you or talk to you, i take four steps back. i cant go 30 minutes without thinking of your dumb ass and now that you told me that you *might* come up, its all i can think about. i lay in bed wondering what you would think of it or me or how long it would take before we banged or even just what you would do when i went to class. calling you the other night felt like a good idea but now it just sucks. drunken me needs to remember what sober me knows, that its hopeless.